


(is it desire) or is it love that i'm feeling for you?

by emilyszuko



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-26
Updated: 2018-05-26
Packaged: 2019-05-13 21:43:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14756849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilyszuko/pseuds/emilyszuko
Summary: Iris speaks again, “Felicity, do you love him?”She doesn't answer, tongue twisted and heart about to beat out of her chest. She knows she does, and part of her doesn't answer Iris because even if he'll never hear them, those words are forhim. The other part of her though is just scared as hell that it'll blow up in her face like everything else has.“I don't think Oliver wants to hear anything else from me,” she settles on instead, crestfallen as she scratches at the black paint on her fingernails.“And what if he's just as afraid as you are?”





	(is it desire) or is it love that i'm feeling for you?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sportstar1282](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sportstar1282/gifts).



> This fic is a one shot/more than a one shot/monster of a fic written in celebration of the life of my baby Sherall ([@smoakxgrande](https://twitter.com/smoakxgrande)). It's her birthday and so she gets what she wants, which in this case is a fic. I love her with everything in me and i couldn't give her much else so my blood sweat and tears over this will have to do.
> 
> for everyone else reading this, i hope you enjoy it even just a little bit and then that'll tempt you into leaving a kudo and/or commenting or even reading my other works. 
> 
> and also for the persons waiting on the updates from my other wips, don't worry, they're coming. SOON.
> 
> (fic title from 'Desire' by Years and Years) 
> 
> enough talking. Sherall, babe, Happy Birthday and i hope you like it!

_ September 25 | 5:15 pm _

 

Felicity curses under her breath as she stumbles over a stone on the grass lawn, discreetly glancing around at the people passing by in an attempt to ensure no one saw that ungraceful and surely embarrassing moment.

After righting her footing, she resumes her fast trek on her way to the library, letting out another curse, a little louder this time, when she checks her phone and sees that she's a little over 15 minutes late.

Felicity Smoak is  _ never _ late. She prides herself on her superior level of punctuality and her ability to always either be exactly on time for  _ everything _ or early enough with minutes to spare.

Really, this one time couldn't be more inconvenient. It's a combination of oversleeping, dorm mates hogging the shower, almost all her lectures running overtime, and her taking an extra shift at the cafe she works at for a sick coworker. The universe was against her from the start. She only hopes it gives her a fucking break this one time.

Her heavy combat boots make quiet but distinguishing thuds on the concrete floor as she finally arrives at the main campus library. She stops briefly at the glass door, the late evening around her actually quite breezy and cool but her power walk over leaving her overheated, out of breath and mostly unable to enjoy the wind like the trees around her as they sway under its spell. She takes a few calming breaths before she pulls the door open, adjusting her book bag on her back as she steps inside.

She's met with the familiar sound of distinctive quietness, only making out the sounds of a few pages being turned and a murmur or two. The library isn't full, but that's hardly news. A few people glance up at her as she makes her way pass them, but not long enough for her to take notice of anyone.

Felicity makes her way up the stairs that lead up to the upper levels of the library, which, yeah, aren't where tutors are supposed to have sessions, but she's never liked the area they had designated because it wasn't private enough, which meant distractions came easily. So she'd found a spot near the Norse History section, 2 levels up, that was surprisingly always student free.

No one's ever told her not to hold sessions there, or to stop, so... she hasn't, and as she finally arrives at the floor, she makes out the back of the mop of hair of her new student - seated in the chair faced away from her - Oliver Queen.

Speed walking until she reaches him, Felicity begins shrugging out of her book bag, swiping a lock of her jet black hair with a few purple streaks behind her ear.

“I'm  _ so _ sorry I'm late. I took an extra shift for my friend who's sick, and there's just about a hundred other things that added to my lateness but it'll never happen again. I promise.”

She faces him as she finishes, plopping down into the seat across from him as she relaxes somewhat. When she meets his deep blue eyes though, it's to see them filled with mirth, enough to match the smirk on his decidedly attractive lips. Vaguely, a wave of familiarity tugs at the back of her mind, but not strong enough for her to actually place him.

The only thing she knows about her students prior to meeting them are the times of the sessions and their names, but Felicity knows even before he opens his mouth that this one will be trouble. However, contrary to her appearance, trouble is the least of her desires these days, or ever.

“It's okay. I'm usually the one that's late. It's nice to see someone else try to come up with excuses though,” she doesn't know him well enough, or at all, to recognize his mannerisms and tells, but it's clear as day that he's teasing her and… she doesn't take well to that.  

“Those weren't excuses though.”

Oliver peruses her, not even shying away from the fact she’s fully aware of him openly looking her up and down. She knows what he sees: a hard, stubborn goth with far too many IQ points for her own good. It's not really her, she knows, but it's what she chooses to be. And there's not a thing wrong with it.

He leans back into his chair, and she can almost literally see him turning his charm on. He runs a hand down his floppy hair, but it just flips back into place. She almost laughs in his face.

“Sounded a lot like excuses to me. I should know. I'm the king of those. Or rather,  _ Queen. _ ”

Felicity huffs out an amused breath, not laughing  _ with  _ him but more laughing  _ at _ him. His eyes brightens as he watches her, somehow falling under the impression that she found what he said anything other than sad.

“Well, since you're here I'd say you're also the Queen of failing your courses too. So… yay you?” she tilts her head to the side, innocent expression gracing her features. She's self aware enough to know she sounds like a bitch, but, hey, it matches her whole goth look and to be damn honest, he had it coming.

Oliver sobers a little at her words before smirking again, but not before she can sense that what she'd said had actually affected him. “More kingdoms to rule,” he supplies smoothly, like it's a good thing. He sure knows how to ride a joke out to the very end.

“Okay,” she draws out, pulling out a couple books from where she'd placed her bag on the ground and laying them on the table between them. “On to things that matter. Mind telling me what your current studying routine is like?” she pauses, “Oh, and I'm Felicity Smoak, by the way,” suddenly recalling that she hadn't introduced herself and that students aren't usually privy to who their tutors will be beforehand.

Barely having moved an inch since he spoke, Oliver just adds a sly, “I know who you are,” which, yeah, how is that?

Brows knitting together in confusion, Felicity plants her focus on him once more. “How do you know me?”

“I'm offended,” he teases, shifting up in his seat as his eyes bore into hers, “You mean you've never seen me in Mrs. Francis’ American Literature lectures on Tuesdays? Cause I've certainly noticed you. In fact, I think everyone's noticed you.”

For the first time in a long time, Felicity finds herself unable to come up with a quick response, or really any response at all. It's not about the fact that she hadn't noticed him. Felicity hardly notices anyone unless she's required to. And quite honestly, you'd think that her being so gothic and dark would draw attention, but it doesn't. Or at least she'd thought it hadn't.

That Oliver had noticed her is… weird, to say the least, especially because - and though she barely knows him - she can tell that he's not usually the type of guy that notices people like her.

Pushing the last part of his response aside for later evaluation, Felicity clears her throat, settling her hands into her lap as she’s at a loss for what to do with them, “I mean, I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings by not noticing you. But, to be fair, there's like 70 other people in that room at any given time.”

“And yet, you're not only the most interesting one there, but the smartest too.”

Felicity stops short at his compliment, everything gaining a new meaning as she looks at him. And then it hits her, “Wait a minute, did you set this up so you'd meet me? Are you like a stalker or something? Because I have a pepper spray and I'm  _ not _ afraid to use it.” Felicity picks her bag up, rummaging through it for the item in question.

Oliver’s panicked voice has her halting her frantic movements, “No,  _ God no,  _ I-” he swallows heavily, obviously afraid he'd actually scared her, “I swear I didn't stalk you or anything. I did  _ not _ know you'd be my tutor. I just actually do think you're interesting and smart, Felicity.”

She should be focusing on what he just said, really, she should, but her brain chooses instead to turn into goo over the way he'd said her name. Her cheeks heat up but she ducks her head, allowing for her hair to act as a curtain as it covers her face. It's also the way he'd said it more than anything that makes her believe him, and not only is she unsure why that is, but why she actually cares enough to as well.

“Oh,” she manages, “thank you?” it's phrased like a question, and she doesn't miss the way his smile returns, though this time it seems more…  _ genuine _ . She also doesn't miss the dip in her stomach as he lays his arms on the desk as he looks at her, weirdly strong, attractive forearms on display.

“You're welcome. So… you were saying?” what he does next surprises her. Oliver reaches down for his own book bag and pulls out his notebooks and textbooks, along with other pens and pencils to write with. And it could be that she'd just prejudged him based on the fact that he looks like he's handed everything, lazy and not willing to put in work, but she's shocked that it hadn't taken any prompting from her for him to do so.  _ Huh _ . Maybe he won't be as much trouble as she'd thought.

“Just, uh,” she begins, shaking her head a bit to clear her thoughts and get back on track, “Oh, you're studying routine - if you have one - what's it like?”

He contemplates her question, and she takes that moment to really look at him. He's hot, that much is obvious. Sure, he could use a haircut, but it's clear that he's built - likely due to some sport he does or something and the T-shirt he's wearing hardly leaves anything to the imagination. He's definitely not her type, not just physically but personality wise as well. She was never the type to go for the jock or the popular guy, not that they'd ever even known she existed, but, all the same, she can tell that's who he is. He's probably in a frat.

All of that though and it still doesn’t change the fact that her gaze is already lingering too long on his lips.  _ Fuck, _ she's attracted to a guy in a frat house. Someone shoot her, now.

“It's pretty okay, I think,” he chuckles, “I'm a night before kind of guy, you know?”

_ God, _ why did that make her want to rip his shirt open?

Felicity blows out a breath, lifting her gaze to the ceiling in a silent prayer to give her strength. She can do this, and it's not like she hasn't had hot student's before that had a penchant for complimenting her and being charming but… who's she kidding? That's never happened before.

Nevertheless though, he's her student, and that's all he'll be. Or at least she hopes that's all he'll be.

Felicity turns her gaze back down at Oliver, meeting his blue eyes almost immediately as he'd obviously been studying her. His eyes shine with something she can't place and she fidgets a little in slight nervousness.

“Yeah, we're going to have to change that.”

2 hours later, Felicity’s packing her bag up, relaying a few more random notes to Oliver as she does so. As it turns it, he's not so bad. She'd been right about her assumption of him, or at least partially right. He's clearly handed everything and is lazy when it comes to some of his school work, but, he's smart - really smart actually. It'll still take her a couple more sessions to get him caught up, but she's rather looking forward to it instead of dreading it like she assumed she would be.

“I have one last question before we go.”

Felicity stops short from where she'd almost completed putting her stuff together and gives him her full attention, something she always assures that she does with her students. “Shoot.”

Oliver runs his eyes over her face from where she's stood above him and she subconsciously tugs on the black camisole she’s dressed in that's barely covering her entire midriff, “Are you seeing anyone?”

And… there it is. Trouble.

Felicity chuckles as she finally zips her book bag closed and pulls it around her shoulders and on her back. “I'll see you again on Friday for our second  _ scheduled _ session. Have a good night, Oliver.”

She walks off before she can gauge his reaction, but she doesn't miss the amused, yet disappointed groan he lets out at her subtle rejection. “At least let me walk you to your dorm. It's pretty dark out there,” he offers, voice only slightly teasing this time, though she knows it's just another attempt to get more time with her.

“I think I'll manage,” she mumbles as she glances back at him, eyes widening only slightly when she sees that he's standing and holy fuck, is he gargantuan or what?

“I know you can manage, but it doesn't hurt to have some company now does it?” she wishes so much that she weren't actually already charmed by him, but admittedly, she's literally swooning on the inside.

Finally arriving at the stairs, Felicity shakes her head in disbelief before addressing him one last time, “Bye, Oliver.”

 

***

_ September 26 | 7:50 am _

 

Felicity arrives at her first lecture for the day 10 minutes before it usually commences and she gives herself an imaginary pat on her back for already doing marginally better than the day before. She finds her regular seat near the centre of the room and sets her things down, taking a sip from her coffee cup as she does so.

She's on her phone, checking her schedule for the rest of the day when she vaguely picks up someone calling her name. Her first reaction is of course mild annoyance, but she turns towards the sound anyway, face open but blank.

Oliver’s standing on the far left side of the room, bag over his shoulder as 2 other guys talk around him. One of them has arms to size of a tree trunk, face serious but surprisingly warm and friendly. He's talking to a far less built guy with a mischievous, but kind smile. Their conversation ceases though when Oliver waves at her, curious gazes now focused on the person that had caught his interest.

Felicity cringes slightly under their attention, shaking her head as Oliver’s wave only gets more enthusiastic, obviously not planning on stopping until she returns it. Despite herself, a smile tugs at the corners of her lips and she lifts a hand to give him a small wave before turning around and focusing on Mrs. Francis as she enters the lecture room.

Of course she'd realized that he'd be in this class today but she'd thought that he'd just act like he doesn't know her. That's certainly what she'd planned on doing. Admittedly though, Oliver is… unpredictable. Or maybe different would be the better term. Because while he's almost exactly like she thought he'd be like, he's also told her that he found her to be interesting and smart, and not in a way that's dishonest or made to make her feel bad. Normally people are intimidated by her intelligence, but he hasn't given off that impression at all.

She hates to admit that she'd spent the whole night thinking of their session, chastising herself each time her mind would stray to one of his stupid jokes, or his stupid good looks.

Felicity isn't blind. It's clear that he's attracted to her, but apart from the fact that she has a thing about being with her students, after what happened with Cooper, she's just not available emotionally right now. So while she can reluctantly acknowledge that the thought of kissing him doesn't make her want to throw up, she'll never let herself get close enough to.

The two and a half hour lecture flies by a lot faster than she'd thought it would and then she's packing her stuff up to head to her next class.

She doesn't know why she'd thought Oliver wouldn't approach her, but hey, at least now she's learnt her lessons.

“Felicity, hey, hold on!”

She spins around in her combat boots, pulling her leather jacket closer around her torso as he stops in front of her, students still shuffling around them to get to their classes. “You yelled?”

Oliver smiles down at her, their height difference obvious as they face each other. “Yeah,” he chuckles, “how are you?”

It's a pretty mundane question and she guesses it's the normality of it that throws her a little. She glances behind him to see the 2 guys she's now assuming are his friends waiting for him, that same curiosity marking their features as they watch them.

Shuffling her feet a bit, she answers, “I'm good. I have to get to my next class now though so is there something you wanted to ask me about our session or…” she trails off, subtly reminding him that that's all they really are and should be to each other: tutor and student.

Oliver just smiles at her, quite obviously undeterred by her words, “I wanted to ask what you're doing after your classes end. Maybe we could go grab a coffee or something?” there's this open, hopeful expression on his face, and she almost feels like she's kicking a puppy when she says what she says next.

Almost.

“I have my shift at the cafe after classes, Oliver, remember? That ‘excuse’ I tried to give yesterday?” it's her turn to smirk, signature I-win-you-lose smile on her face as she gazes up at him. “And besides, I'm not interested,” her hand reaches out to tap his chest in a placating manner, which, yeah, bad idea because she's now convinced he's made of stone. But before she can withdraw it, his own hand sneaks out and grabs hers, subtly bringing them oh so close, her neck bending all the way back so she can maintain eye contact.

His breath fans over her face, and Felicity swallows thickly, more affected by his closeness than she'd like to admit. “If you weren't interested, why do you look so much like you'd kiss me right here, right now?”

At the mention of a kiss, Felicity eyes land on his lips, taking in the way his tongue sticks out to wet it. Emboldened, Felicity finds herself saying, “You couldn't handle a kiss from me, Queen,” just as she pulls her hand out his grasp and takes a step back, giving him one last winning grin before turning and walking away. His jaw remains dropped even when she glances behind at him one last time.

 

***

_ 3:27 pm _

 

“Felicity, babe, there's a guy at table 6 saying you stole his heart and he wants it back.”

The loud clang of the cup falling from her hand echoes in the space of the backroom that she's in just as Felicity quickly picks it up from the ground where it had luckily remained unbroken.

Turning towards Iris, Felicity questions, “He said what? Do we know him? Is it the lacrosse player?”

Iris’ excited smile widens, “God no. I don't know him, but he seems familiar. And, trust me, this one's  _ much _ hotter. In fact, I'm a little jealous.”

Shaking her head at her, Felicity washes her hands before moving past her friend to tend to the guy in question, though she already has a burning suspicion as to who it is, “Can't wait to tell Barry that.”

“You'd never.”

Felicity steps out of the room into the customer seating section of the café, adjusting her apron around her waist as she spots that now familiar mop of dirty blonde hair seated by himself. Stopping just behind him where surprisingly he hasn't noticed her, Felicity crosses her arms over her chest, “You know, I could've sworn you said you weren't stalking me.”

Spinning around at the sound of her voice, Oliver’s face lights up, satisfied smile on his face as he’s obviously happy he succeeded in making her come out here to him. “I'm not. I was just in the neighborhood.”

Felicity shakes her head in disbelief, “So, wait, you're not the guy's heart that I stole?” she queries innocently, “Oh, my bad then. Wrong table.”

She moves to turn away, but Oliver’s hand sticks out again to halt her movement. Goosebumps form along her arms, but it could just be the air conditioning. Yeah, that's it.

“Fe-li-ci-ty,” he utters, breaking the syllables of her name apart like each of them own some monumental meaning. Her eyes flit back towards his, and it's crazy how she's only known this guy for one day, doesn't really actually  _ know _ him, but is aware that if he calls her name like that again, she'll meet his every demand.

She bites her lip, trying to gain some veneer of calm and control as she turns back to him, “Hmm?” she mumbles.

His hand slides down from her forearm to her hand, fingers slipping between hers as he pulls her softly into the seat beside his. “Okay, yes, I asked around to find out where you worked, but that's only because I want to get to know you.”

“Why?” she hears herself asking, a bit upset at that though because, hello, she's not even supposed to be entertaining this. But apparently, somewhere deep inside, she's curious. She keeps her gaze on him, vaguely aware that her hand is still tucked within his large and rough but warm and comforting hold.

Oliver shakes his head, like he's so fascinated and amazed that he can't even put words to it. That can't possibly be right. “I told you. You're the most interesting person I know, and yeah, that's not to say that I know a lot about you, which is kinda the reason I  _ want  _ to. I can't read you, or predict what you're about to say next. It's… thrilling.”

As flattering as that was to hear, it doesn't change anything, not really. “Look, that's nice of you to say but, I don't date students I tutor, so…” she trails off, slipping her fingers from his and moving to stand so she can actually go do her job. She doesn't miss the disappointment that takes over his usually happy face though.

She's almost out of earshot when she makes out his voice again, “Friends then?”

Felicity stops, surprised at how quickly her mind screams at her to say yes. She doesn't really have a lot of friends in her life. She's only ever had a few, but they're all good, loyal, trustworthy and amazing. She doesn't know what type of friend he'll be, but, she decides that it doesn't hurt to just… see. Anything deeper than that holds the ability to break her heart once more.

She spins around to face him again, “What are you having?”

 

***

_ October 27 | 7:58 pm _

 

“So, she ratted me out to Mom, and I got grounded for a month.”

Letting out a snort at his admission, Felicity’s hand flies to her face, laughter bubbling up and escaping from her lips. Her stomach was already hurting from her mirth brought on by the previous stories he’d been telling the whole night, but it's downright burning as she throws her head back, the movement making a dull thud on the bookshelf behind her.

They'd migrated from the desk to the floor as soon as the session had ended, neither of them having anything else to do for the night and just deciding to hang out. It's a normal occurrence now - them spending time together whenever they can, and she's finding that that time is growing in length each day.

It's been a whole month of  _ this _ , with Oliver - and by this, she means being his friend, which, quite honestly, isn't half bad… who's she kidding? It isn't bad at all. He's funny, caring, honest, and just a all round fun person to be around, but still serious and studious when it comes to his work, or, well, he tries to be.

He helps her relax and let loose when she's wound up tight from her many responsibilities, and she'd never known how much laughter and lightness she'd been keeping in since she's met him.

There's also no denying the attraction that's always been there between them, only heightened by the more time they spend together as well. She never does anything about it, though there's been times where she's thought about changing that, and she knows he has too. He's respected her wishes from the start though, even if half the time their banter can be described as flat out flirting.

“Man, Thea is the best,” she eventually gets out between her laughter, finally placing her gaze back on him as the mock offense leaves his face.

“She can be, but just know you being an only child and all is a blessing, okay?” he advises, face genuinely serious like he's handing her sacred, life defining enlightenment. That he remembers a off-handed comment she made one time about her mom always being on her case because she's an only child warms her heart far more than she's pleased with.

Chuckling softly at his words, Felicity rolls her eyes before tucking a lock of her hair behind her ear, “Yeah, well, doesn't even matter because my Dad left before I could even fathom the idea of having one,  _ and  _ my Mom never wanted to bring another child into a world where she probably couldn't even provide for it.”

As soon as the bitter words are out of her mouth, she regrets them, and she squeezes her eyes shut, praying that if she pretends she hadn't just said that out loud hard enough, it'll actually be true. But she can tell from the uncomfortable silence that settles around them that there's no escaping her slip about that pathetic tidbit of her life.

“We're going to pretend I never said that,” she says, hard enough that her voice leaves no room for misinterpretation. She pops one eye open, sight set on him not even a feet away from her. His stare is deep and calculating, but there's no pity or judgement there.

“Never said what?” he says, brows scrunched up in confusion, which is ultimately the reason why her heart beat slows to a normal pace once more and her nervousness disappears.

Reaching a hand up, she pats him lightly on his chest, an act she finds that she can't stop doing ever since they'd become friends, “You're not so bad at this friend thing, you know.”

Oliver looks down at the hand on his chest then meets her gaze, and she could be wrong but it's as if his eyes sparkle with some sort of challenge directed towards her. What that means, she doesn't know, but she finds that she desires to play along. His hand grips hers on his chest, but his eyes don't leave hers, so she knows he's aware of the flush that has tinted her cheeks.

“And you're so bad at it.” It takes her a minute to comprehend his words, and when she does she tilts her head, question obvious in her eyes as she looks at him. She feels like they've entered a bubble somehow, and she's wholly unsure of how they'd went from her slip a moment ago to…  _ this.  _ The tension around them is thick and it sizzles beneath her skin, especially along the back of her hand where his grip remains.

“Are you saying I'm a bad friend?” she eventually asks when he doesn't add anything else, brain slow but still working efficiently enough for her to attempt to comprehend what he means.

Light as a feather, she senses the thin strap of her camisole slip down her shoulder, leaving the skin there and the very top of her breast open to view, a result of her having not worn a bra that day. It's not even low enough to be considered indecent, but with Oliver looking at her the way he is, it feels downright scandalous.

The blueness of his eyes disappear behind what she can only describe as desire, and Felicity swallows thickly in anticipation for what's to come next.

And then he lifts his other hand, slowly and oh so tantalizingly until his index finger slides up her arm, hooking under the strap along the way and continuing on as it drives her into a frenzy. His touch leaves a trail of fire as he sets the strap back into place, and when he speaks, his voice is nothing like she's ever heard it before, “Yes. Because my other friends don't look at me like they want to kiss me… or fuck me like you do.”

Felicity bites her lip, so hard she's able to taste copper. She can't think straight, or at all for that matter, and any semblance of space that had been between them a moment ago is gone, with her almost on top of him, her left thigh pressed into his right. Her left hand is still braced on his chest, and it takes her a second to realize that she'd bunched it up into a fist.

They’re practically breathing the same air, and she feels his hand slide up from her shoulder, then her neck, pushing her hair behind her back, then softly onto her cheek, goosebumps forming along her skin all the while.

Oliver pulls her face towards his, and then their lips meet. She goes willingly.

She doesn't know what she'd expected when she'd imagined kissing him - and she definitely has imagined it. But all of those scenarios pale in comparison to the taste of lips as his mouth works over hers. A moan leaves her throat, but it dies into the kiss, much like everything else happening around them.

The hand on his chest finally moves as she runs it up and down his solid hard torso. His own groan vibrates between both of them, but neither pulls apart for fear of breaking the fragility of the moment.

His tongue runs along the lines of her lips, and not a second later their tongues are mangled together. His hand leaves her cheek, and then slides around her back as he pulls her impossibly closer. The angle is a little weird, what with them still technically seated side by side, but the thought doesn't even enter her brain. Her entire body buzzes uncontrollably, desire bubbling up deep within her stomach.

She’s unsure of how long their tongues mash with each other but when Oliver finally pulls away, he takes her breath with him. Hot pants are leaving both their mouths as they attempt to catch their breaths, eyes wide and locked with the other.

Surprisingly, what she finds in his eyes is… fear. At first she's confused, puzzled by what he’s afraid of and also  _ why  _ that expression has settled on his features, but then he opens his mouth and begins to say, “I'm sorry… I-”

She cuts him off by placing her index finger on his lips, silencing his apology before it get any further. Because now she gets it. He's afraid he's overstepped, which, yeah, he has, but Felicity has tasted him.

And now she wants all of him. Even if it's just for right now.

She removes her finger from his lip, looking up and down the aisle to check if anyone is around, which, unsurprisingly, there isn't. Felicity stands, and when she looks back down at him, it's plain as day on Oliver’s face that he thinks she's upset about what just happened.

She stretches an arm out to him, watching as his eyes settle on her hand before finding her gaze, an insurmountable amount of trust shining in them. It scares her, but not enough for her to change her mind.

His hand slips into hers and then he stands with little effort. She starts walking, pulling him behind her until they reach the very last aisle, a place where she knows absolutely no eyes will be on them.

As soon as they're hidden behind that last shelf, she pushes him against the one tucked on the wall and attaches her lips to his once more. It's even more electric now, if that's possible, desire and undeniable anticipation heightened by the fact that she absolutely knows what's about to happen next.

She feels Oliver’s body bend slightly, hands cupping the back of her thighs and then lifting her until her legs wrap around his waist. Her lips never leaves his, even as he slowly lowers both of them onto the floor until he’s sitting, his back against shelf and her knees planted on either side of him as she straddles him.

She can feel his growing erection even through the material of his jeans, and the desire and want for him to be inside of her springs to the forefront of her brain. But she doesn't want to rush things, so for now she enjoys the feeling of Oliver’s body against her own.

Oliver’s hands are everywhere, each rub of his hands down her back, and over her shoulders and up her sides driving her closer and closer to insanity. When one of the culprits sneak up into her hair, pulling on the roots softly but sharply enough to pull her head back, their lips detach, and then his lips are kissing hungrily down her neck and she willingly moves it to the side even more to give him room to feast.

His kisses are sloppy and cool and shiver inducing, and every so often he bites the skin and uses his tongue to sooth the quiet ache. Her nipples are almost painfully hard with each stroke they make over his chest, even through the fabrics of both their shirts and soon enough, his face is travelling closer and closer to her sensitive pink nubs on the mounds of flesh.

He easily tugs the camisole down, revealing her small, perky breast, but not even a second later, his lips close around her left nipple. The moan she lets out is almost guttural and she has to cover her mouth to muffle her scream, still somehow aware of where they are. A sensation deep within her mounts, building slowly with each swipe of his tongue.

Somehow, she's able to make out the feel of his other hand as it travels between them, even in her state of unbridled pleasure and want. Soon enough, he's undone the button and zipper of her camo pants, while still keeping his lips and tongue working over her nipples. Felicity feels his fingers dip beneath her underwear and she knows he feels how wet she is when his hand reaches the place she wants him most.

Oliver slips a finger inside her, and Felicity has to duck her head down to moan into his shoulder to keep her desire from becoming too loud. He works the finger agonizingly deep within her, picking up motions she's never felt before and then in another moment, his teeth bites down on her nipple. The tingle deep in her belly that had been growing bubbles dangerously close to the edge, but before it breaks, Felicity’s pulling on his hands, effectively causing him to release her nipple on a pop, as she moves her mouth to his ear.

“I want you inside me,  _ now. _ ”

Her hands find the zipper of his jeans, already feeling his erection straining against the confinement, before pulling it down and watching as his thick, meaty shaft springs to life. She has the urge to wrap her lips around it, mouth watering as soon as she pumps it a few times, but she decides that she can't wait for him to be inside her much longer.

Her eyes flit to his to find his gaze on her hands around his dick, and she speaks to get his attention, “Do you have a condom on you?”

Oliver shakes his head, almost as if he's clearing some fog before he nods, and lifts his lower body slightly to dig his hands into his back pockets. He fishes out a wallet and then opens it to retrieve a condom which she takes it from his hand, only vaguely aware of him tossing the wallet to the side as she tears the small package open.

A moment later, she rolls the condom down his full erection, aware of the grunts of pleasure Oliver let's out as she does so. She pushes her pants along with her underwear further down her thighs and out of the way and then Felicity lifts her hips and lines up his dick at her entrance before taking a deep breath. Before she’s able to lower herself onto it though, Oliver’s hands on her cheeks has her focusing on him.

“Are you sure?” he asks, his stare is deep and open, nothing hidden behind it as he questions her certainty about what they're about to do. But she's never one to run away from something that she's already started. Plus… she wants this.

Felicity nods, and he shows his response to her confirmation by way of bringing his lips to hers in another heated kiss.

She sinks down unto him, his entire shaft bottoming out as he fills her up entirely. Both of them detach from the kiss, moans and grunts exchanged instead as she adjusts to him inside her.

“Are you okay?” he murmurs between them, which weirdly makes her laugh.

Felicity nods as she meets his eye, mirth dancing in hers as she asks, “Are you?”

“Perfect.” He answers, kissing up and down her jaw all the while.

“Good. So am I.”

And then they're moving. At first the momentum is slow and teasing, but then it gradually quickens as she begins the set a pace. She moves up and down his length, sliding almost fully off it before taking the entire thing once more.

The sensation deep in her belly that had died down a bit due to them stopping returns full force, and though she hasn't hit it yet, she knows that when she reaches her ecstasy, it'll be the best she's ever had.

Oliver grunts in pleasure beneath her, sucking on her breast as his hands grip her waist in a helpful guide. She runs her hand up and down his chest, fascinated once again by how hard he is and by how much the hardness of his body matches the softness of hers.

He shifts slightly, which causes a tiny change it position, and soon enough Felicity can feel the pleasure mounting  _ right there _ . She doesn't delay it this time, and by the way Oliver begins to piston into her, he can feel how close she is too.

Her orgasm comes a couple seconds later, white light exploding in her vision as pure pleasure intoxicates her bloodstream. The hairs on her body stand at attention, and the ecstasy laps over and over for at least a full minute as her body goes lax against Oliver’s.

When he slams into her once, then twice, a few moments later before murmuring, “Fuck,” she knows he just came too.

Both of them are breathing harshly as they try to come down from their high, and Felicity absentmindedly runs her hand over his face, marveling at how  _ pretty _ he is.

He smiles at her once he's back in control of himself, leaning forward to plant a kiss on her lips, then along her jaw and neck.

It's the intimacy of it all that finally makes her realize that she just… fucked Oliver, her friend, at the back of the school library.

_ Her friend _ .

Her friend that she can't be with because she's still too emotionally fucked up to allow someone to have that control over her heart again.

But she can’t deny that what they just did was amazing and something she's already craving more of. Felicity knows somehow, somewhere, there's a solution here.

She comes up with it fairly quickly.

Leaning back from him so she can catch his eyes, Felicity decides to just come out with it. “Look. I know what we just did contradicts this, but I still can't be with you, Oliver.”

His entire face dissolves into utter confusion, his hurt feelings never having been something he'd been good at hiding. He opens his mouth, rebuttal poised on his lips before her fingers fly to cover them once more.

“Shh,” she starts, “I'm just… not available in the way that someone who wants to start a relationship should be. But… I know that I don't want to stop doing what we just did, so how about a middle ground?”

Taking hold of her hand, he lifts it from his lips, face still confused, but the hurt no longer the dominant feature. “I'm listening.”

Smiling at him and pleased that she could get him to at least listen, Felicity goes on, “How about an arrangement between us? We can do this,” she motions between them, “without all the other hard, relationship stuff.”

His face closes off at her words, and she curses under her breath for not having the ability to read what's going on in his mind. It's a perfect solution for her, one that she knows any guy would fall over themselves for. His contemplation of her words last far longer than she thought it would, and she almost suggest forgetting it altogether, but then he finally asks, “Is this what you want?”

His voice is soft and smooth, and once more she almost says no because of how damn earnest he looks. But she doesn't, instead nodding her head, “Yes. It is.”

Oliver smiles, and for the first time she can't tell if it's genuine or not.

“Well, I guess we're fuck buddies.”

 

***

_ October 29 | 9:17 pm _

 

“So, rules… are there any?” 

Felicity spins her head to side to look at Oliver, breath still stuck in her throat after her second orgasm for the night. She turns onto her side to face him fully, them having thrown themselves apart just moments ago. “Rules for what?”

They're in her dorm, day 2 of their arrangement and it quite possibly might be the best idea she's ever had. They've snuck away at every available moment together to do  _ things _ and he's never left her unsatisfied, just as she's never left him unsated.

“You know, for this,” he emphasizes it by running his hands down her naked side, her body somehow still buzzing with need.

She contemplates his words, but kind of comes up empty because while it  _ was  _ her idea, she's never done this kind of thing before. “I mean, not really? I know this isn't my style, but I was planning on just going with the motion.”

Oliver’s face lights up in interest, almost as if he's collecting that information and storing it away somewhere in his brain under a file called her. Felicity goes on, “What? Do  _ you  _ have rules?” she pokes his stomach teasingly as she says this, giggling as he wraps his arm around her waist and pulls her flat against him, naked skin on naked skin once more. His fingers tickle her sides lightly, and words are momentarily forgotten as laughter fills the room.

“I don't really know to be honest. I've never done this before,” he finally admits, and the laughter dies on her throat as she takes in his words. Off her surprised look, he chuckles at her, asking, “What?” within the space between their faces.

“You’re saying, that you, Oliver Queen, have never had casual sex with no strings attached before?” she knows enough about him now to be aware of his less than stellar womanizing ways. He's notoriously known for it, or at least he was prior to meeting her.

Oliver cringes, running a hand threw his still floppy hair before answering, obviously embarrassed about what he's about to say, “Okay well, most of the time the sex was casual and meaningless for  _ me. _ The uh… the girls always thought it was more than that though.”

He looks back down at her sheepishly, likely expecting her to judge him about his actions, which, yeah, kind of makes him an asshole, but she doesn't feel like she's in a position to pass judgement. Most times when 2 people start something with one another, someone falls faster and deeper than the other. It's not their fault, and she can only really call him out if he led the women on and made them believe that he felt the same. Because then, that's just… lying and she can't forgive that.

She shifts her head back, looking up at him seriously as she asks, “You didn't make them feel like you felt the same though... right?”

Small smile gracing his lips, he replies, “Eventually, avoiding their calls and hiding from them in public kind of made them realize I wasn't the one.”

“You're such a dick,”

“I know.”

Felicity rolls her eyes, a bit annoyed at herself that she has the urge to kiss him regardless of what he'd just admitted. But she guesses that she just doesn't feel like he'd do that to her… not to mention that she  _ knows  _ they're nothing to each other than friends who sleep together, so there's nothing to worry about. Even if she sometimes finds herself forgetting that more than once these past two days.

Getting back on topic, Felicity throws a leg over his waist, “Well, if you're really into the rules thing, I say it's just the normal stuff. We're not allowed to act like we're dating or expect things we would from a partner. And also don't hold yourself back from actually being in a relationship with someone else, just like, let me know and I'll do the same,” she rattles off, surprising even herself with how quickly she comes up with some. Oliver nods his head as he listens, eyes not meeting hers and an unreadable expression settling on his face. Another thought hits her and she adds, “Oh, and no getting jealous.”

She can practically see him weighing the pros and cons of each until he eventually nods his head in agreement. She's about to attach her lips to his, feeling like they've talked enough and ready for another round when he speaks, “I'd like to add a very key and important rule.”

His face is serious, but she can still make out the amusement shining in his eyes, “Well, go ahead kind sir,”

“You can't fall in love with me.”

Something deep within her heart does a flip at his words, which he'd obviously said nonchalantly and with no depth or meaning. Despite the feeling though, Felicity forces out a laugh, whispering, “Yeah, not gonna happen,” before their lips finally meet. His tongue steals her thoughts away, and soon enough the only thing taking up her brain is how fucking good he makes her feel.

But his lips don't stay attached to hers for long, and he pushes her onto her back and settles on top of her as he plants kisses on her chin, her neck, her chest, and further and further down.

Anticipation builds in her stomach again, curling and uncurling as it throbs with each suck of her skin. When he reaches her stomach, her right hand reaches out and grips the hair of his head, hips flying up uncontrollably in want for his mouth to be where she's wet and ready. He sets his arm across her torso to keep her in place, trailing hot kisses on her hip bones.

Her other hand falling to her breasts, Felicity runs her hands over her nipples, whispering, “ _ Yes, yes, yes, _ ” as he moves down to the V of her pelvic bones.

Unexpectedly, the index finger of his unoccupied hand begins to teases her sensitive folds, and Felicity finds her hips buckling under the pressure of his arm holding her in down. His magic finger slips inside her and works in and out, until he's adding another and then another, building his momentum along with her pleasure. Oliver’s lips suckle and torments the skin of her pelvic bone and her legs widen subconsciously as her desire for his mouth to be  _ right fucking there _ controls the limbs of her body. Curling the arm he'd been using to hold her down under her thigh and then settling his hand on her stomach once more, she readies herself for the final act.

Felicity’s head flies back, scream falling from her lips as his mouth meets her folds.

 

***

_ November 18 | 7:08 pm _

 

“That was the worst movie I've ever seen.”

“It wasn't  _ that _ bad,”

“Were you watching the same thing we were? Or…”

Felicity rolls her eyes in amusement as Iris, Dinah and herself exit the movie theatre. The chill of the early night has her tightening her jacket around herself, feeling more relaxed and content than she has in… months.

“You guys are just really bad critics,” she comments, the three of them walking side by side as they make their way to a nearby diner. She hasn't been out with just the two of them in a while, but she's glad to say that's not mostly on her. It's a combination of them all being working college students.

“ _ Or _ , you give anything sci-fi a pass,” Iris adds, exasperated with her, it seems.

Felicity scoffs, protest poised on her lips, “I do not-”

But off the side eyes that both of them give her, she snaps her mouth shut, conceding that maybe she does. To be fair, sci-fi  _ is  _ her favorite genre. She's allowed to be biased, okay?

Pointless chatter is exchanged between them until they arrive at the diner a couple minutes later. After sliding into a booth and ordering, Felicity proceeds to ask Iris something she'd been meaning to ask about, especially given they'd hardly actually held a conversation that lasted for more than 5 minutes for weeks now. “Whatever happened with that internship at Picture News?”

Iris’ face lights up at her question, hands clapping excitedly as she explains, “It actually worked out better than I'd ever imagined it would? They offered me a job there. Full time.”

From her position across from her, Felicity grabs her hand eagerly, squeezing it softly as she congratulates her friend, “Oh my God, this is your dream. I'm so happy for you!”

“Yeah that's pretty kick ass, Iris,” Dinah adds, sweet smile lighting her face too.

“I know, I know. They want me to start next fall which means I get to finish up this academic year before I start and they’re still giving me some lay way to do my last year of college while working there next year too. I'm scared to death but I can't wait!”

Felicity’s extremely proud of her and knows working there full time has been a dream of hers for a long time. It inspires her, makes it seem like her own dreams aren't so unrealistic or out of reach either.

It's Dinah who asks, “So what are you going to do about Barry?” after the initial wave of excitement passes.

But Iris’ smile doesn't dim, “He's actually coming with me to back to Central City - which is where Picture News is - where we'll both finish up our degrees online. And I swear I tried my best to tell him that he didn't have to do that, but… he said he doesn't want us to be apart, so, yeah.”

Dinah and herself both let out soft, “Awes,” completely used to this kind of mushy, soft acts of love from Barry and Iris, but decidedly impressed right now.

“Man, you guys are practically married while Alena and I can't even go a day without arguing,” Dinah pouts, slouching in her seat as Iris and herself chuckle at her words. Felicity turns to Dinah beside her as she lightly lays a hand on her shoulder.

“It's just because you guys have such strong personalities. And you love each other. Trust me, you're doing fine.”

Off her comment, both Dinah and Iris give her confused looks, but it's Iris that speaks first, “Since when are you so pro love and happiness?”

Forcing out a laugh, Felicity shifts uncomfortably in her seat, “I'm not… I'm just trying to make my friend feel better,” she attempts, but it's obvious they don't buy it because Iris’ face lights up as if recalling something.

“Oh my god, are you seeing Oliver?”

That he's the first thing she thinks of is… troubling, but it's not really a far fetched assumption considering they both know she's been hanging out with him since they became friends. Still… ‘are you seeing Oliver?’ really? Is she  _ that _ see through?

“No, no.  _ God, no _ ,” she denies, almost choking on her own tongue as she looks at them with wide eyes, hoping that they believe her, “We're just friends,”

They still don't buy it though if the way they exchange knowing looks is any indication. Then she thinks about it, thinks about what Oliver and herself have been doing for almost 3 weeks now and she finds that she wants to tell them. She might not be in a relationship like Iris’ where they're about to move in together, or Dinah’s where they fight a lot but always make up because they're in love. But she does have a good thing, it's very obviously not the same but that's never been the problem.

“Okay. Fine. We're doing… stuff. But we're not together.”

“What?”

“Doing what?”

Both Iris and Dinah’s brows curl in confusion, her words likely not clear enough for them to comprehend what she's saying. Sighing heavily, Felicity leans back against the seat before trying again. “Oliver and I are in a no strings arrangement.”

Of all the reactions she'd thought she'd get, boisterous laughter is not one of them.

“Oh, honey, friends with benefits never work,” Dinah says eventually, pitying her enough to let her in on the joke.

Feeling slightly offended, Felicity speaks up, “Well it's working just fine for me.”

“Yeah, now,” Iris adds, “But someone always ends up getting hurt in the end because they want more than they'd realized they would.”

A surge of anger builds strong and fast within her, and she has to slow her breathing as she opens her mouth to respond, “You guys  _ know  _ that after what happened with Cooper I'm not ready to be in an actual relationship. I  _ won't _ open my heart up to someone enough for them to break it again.”

Dinah hums, nodding her head before she meets her gaze, “We know that. But we weren't talking about you.”

Now more confused than she's been the whole night, which says a lot, considering how much they've been throwing her for a loop, Felicity looks over at Iris for some clarification. Her friend gives her a sad smile.

“Oliver could want more than he lets on, babe,”

Felicity’s shaking her head before she even finishes speaking, “Oliver knows what this is. Plus, have you met the guy? I doubt he'll be crying when this arrangement comes to it's inevitable end.”

Oliver had been into her before, that much is obvious, but he'd agreed to this just as she had. So she has to think that he came to the realization that he doesn't actually want more. Plus, like she said, he knows what this thing between them is.

Dinah and Iris exchange another look, one that low key infuriates her because she has no idea what it means. Eventually they both just murmur an, “Okay, whatever you say,” before changing the topic.

The Oliver she'd met almost 2 months ago had asked her out, and though admittedly now, a part of her had wanted to take a chance then, she hadn't allow herself to. Just as she won't allow herself to feel anything deeper - just as she knows he never will either.

 

***

_ November 25 | 11:42 pm _

 

Felicity stumbles her way pass the sweaty bodies of the party goers around her, holding her breath to stave off the strong scent of alcohol, cheap cologne and body odor filling up the air. 

She has to brush off the attempts of a few men, wanting her to join them in their too drunken haze on the dance floor. She doesn't want to dance with them though because not only is she too sober and longs for the hypnotic taste of alcohol to fill her taste buds, but she can't find the person she'd arrived here with just moments ago.

Sighing frustratedly, Felicity pushes pass the remaining bodies in her way before she enters the kitchen of Oliver’s frat house. There's an array of options laid out on a bar and she dismisses the guy there when he asks if she wants any help. Fishing out a solo cup from a pack nearby, she begins mixing herself a drink before taking a sip to ensure that it's good.

She downs a full cup in one go after deeming it okay, and then fills it once more to down it again.

She can already sense the alcohol pumping in her veins a moment later, feeling light and spacey as she fills her third cup but only taking a sip from it as she ventures back into the main area of the party.

Oliver had invited her the day before as they'd been fucking in the back room of the café she works at and at the time she hadn't thought anything of it. Now though, as she subtly tilts her head every which way in search of him, it's painfully obvious that she'd subconsciously wanted him to spend the entirety of the night with her. And she  _ definitely  _ shouldn't want that.

She can't help it though.

After a few more minutes of looking and coming up empty, Felicity gives up, choosing instead to focus on the music and the buzz she feels in her stomach and her head caused by the alcohol.

And when a guy comes up behind her, she doesn't resist his advances like sober her would. Instead, tipsy and overly easygoing her begins to grind on him to the vibrations of the music pulsing through the room. She closes her eyes, unaware of anything that’s going on outside of her own body. There's nothing running through her mind and nothing that demands her attention.

She feels weightless, like she'll float into outer space any moment now.

It could be hours or merely minutes, she can't tell because time also becomes a disconnected concept.

When she momentarily opens her eyes so she can take another sip of her drink, she senses  _ him _ somehow, and she looks across the room to find him looking directly at her - or rather her, grinding against some random guy whose face she still hasn't even seen.

If she were sober, she'd be able to make out the burning anger and jealousy rolling off in waves from him even all the way from here. But she's not, so Felicity isn't able to decipher the meaning behind the speed in which he marches over to her with. Or how the guy behind her quickly backs away from her after only receiving a glare from Oliver. Or how he growls, “Come with me,” into her ear before throwing his arm around her shoulder and guiding her out of the room.

They're in the surprisingly unoccupied foyer of the large house when she finally halts her steps - which effectively halts his. Shaking her head to clear a bit of the fog, Felicity mumbles stubbornly, “I wasn't done dancing,” - not sober, but also not drunk enough to put up with and allow someone to push her around, especially him.

“You don't want to be dancing with that guy,” he growls once more, and man, what's with all the growling? The meaning behind his words is unmistakable though, and Felicity swallows deeply as her throat suddenly feels tight.

“I could've handled it myself,” or at least she hopes she would've been able to.

And finally the angry scowl slips a bit from his face, undoubtedly still there, but no the longer dominant expression. “I don’t doubt that you would've been able to, but,” he pauses, taking hold of her hands and pulling her flush against him, lips flying to her ear as her face pillows his chest, “You can't be looking like that while doing the things that you were doing just now and expect me not to want to fuck you.”

He emphasizes his meaning by sliding his hands around her waist then down her ass before squeezing it pithily. Just the words falling from his lips pushes any other protest from her brain.

“Let's get to it then,” she whispers, her voice sounding seductive even to her own ears. Oliver doesn't need to be told twice.

He grabs a hold of her hand and pulls her up the stairs, the speed of which he's moving causing her head to spin a little, but not enough to worry her. They pass multiple doors along the hallway which are probably the rooms of the other guys living in the frat house.

_ God,  _ she's about to fuck in a  _ frat house _ . 

She should be more repulsed, really, she should. But as Oliver finally pushes a door open - presumably his room - and spins around to pin her on the door as soon as it closes on a snap, the only thing she thinks of is why she hadn't done this sooner.

His lips attack hers, teeth clashing together in the haste of their kisses. Topped with the alcohol still flowing within her veins, and the desire she feels as she continues to heatedly kiss him, Felicity’s never felt as out of breath yet completely energized as she does right now.

His hands fall the tail of her shirt, grabbing a hold and pulling it up until they absolutely have to break away so she can be free of the piece of clothing. Her skin meets the cold wood of the door against her back and she shivers, though not because of it, but because of the way Oliver trails his hands down her bare sides, an act he knows will always have her mewling.

He takes a few steps back, and she unhooks her bra and tosses it aside before throwing her arms around his neck to resume kissing him. Before their lips can meet, Oliver pulls away, eyes locked on hers, before falling onto his knees before her. His hands set on the button and zipper of her jeans, undoing both and pulling the tight black, ripped pants down her legs. She steps out of it before kicking it aside as well.

She hadn't worn any underwear, so when her Oliver’s lips begins pressing kisses against her pelvic bone, there's no barrier between his lips and her skin. She shivers once more as the cool air travels all over her skin, pleasure and desire curling deep within her stomach.

Oliver stands a second later, blue eyes turning jet black under his obvious want. He walks around her body until he's standing behind her, his clothes clad chest against her entire bare back. Light as a feather she feels his lips placing delicate kisses on her shoulders, and as if almost in total contrast, rough hands grab ahold of her waist.

Felicity grinds her ass against his dick, hard and twitching even through his pants. “You're way too dressed right now,” she murmurs, finding it unfair that he's still fully clothed.

She makes out his rough chuckle before the heat of his body disappears as he steps back, likely finally discarding of his shirt and pants. 

She gives him a minute and when she peaks around at him, he's pulling off his underwear from his feet, and then he's as naked as she is.

His warmth returns as he wraps himself around her once more. She tilts her head up and around to meet his lips for a kiss, admittedly missing them but remaining in her position nontheless.

Oliver grips her waist again, breaking from her lips and kissing down her back. She begins to bend forward, wanting him to explore the details of his canvas and feeling his length resting against the top of her ass.

Felicity moans as his fingers squeeze her sides again, something about it painfully delightful. He walks her towards his bed in the centre of the room until the front of her legs hit the side and then releases her waist and guides one of her knees to rest against the edge.

His hand returns to her side before trailing up the top of her back, applying enough pressure until she gets the idea to bend forward. She dips the top half of her body and perches her ass. Felicity swallows forcefully, suddenly fully sober and hyper aware of the fact that she’s open and ready for him.

And then Oliver enters her from behind.

She moans out like she always does when he first penetrates her, but this angle has proven to always exemplify every movement he makes within her.

Like she'd expected, Oliver doesn't hold back. Though he'd been soft and patient with her just now, the power with which he repeatedly pounds into her has the entire bed shaking as she grips the sheets between her hands, knuckles turning paper white.

The grip with which he holds her waist will surely leave bruises come morning, but Felicity could care less. Her mouth refuses to close as she continuously cries out in pleasure, orgasm mounting and boiling red hot deep within her belly. Oliver grunts every so often behind her, and the only downside about this position is that she can't inspect every detail of the gratification filling his face.

Her back burns delightfully and sweat begins breaking out against her skin. She thinks about the anger that she'd seen in his face in the foyer and she knows that it's what drives his indulgence now. She doesn't care, because she can feel it down to her toes as Oliver plows into her, the pleasure he's drawing from her stronger than any drink she could concoct.

When he loosens his hold on her waist and brings one of his hands around to rub against her pussy, Felicity finds her own arm travelling there as well, and together, with the help of both their hands, Oliver drives her to the edge and pushes her over it.

“ _ Oliver _ ,” she screams out, only vaguely aware of him speedily drawing out her orgasm as fireworks explode behind her eyelids. Her body goes slack, the ripples still running haywire as she attempts to come down.

He groans out a barely audible, “Felicity,” behind her moments later, having reached his climax as well.

She's not too aware of much else by that point. Her eyes remain closed as she drifts in and out of her haze, feeling him pick her up and lay her on the bed before disappearing for a couple seconds. A moment later, she feels something damp between her legs and then he's gone for a second once more. When he returns again, she’s aware of him climbing into the bed with her and cocooning her from behind.

The last thing she senses is a kiss he places on her forehead.

 

***

_ November 26 | 10:26 am _

 

When consciousness pulls at her eyelids the following morning, Felicity is reluctant to follow it. She can already feel the headache looming against her head and the overall shittiness from her slight hangover taking over her entire body. She groans in annoyance as she cracks one eye open, the sun selfishly shining it's light directly into her face before she squeezes it shut immediately. 

In an attempt to escape it's assault on her poor eyes, Felicity furrows her head into her pillow - or what she'd thought was her pillow. Both her eyes fly open and after some adjusting to the light, it dawns on her that her head is nestled on  _ Oliver’s _ chest in  _ Oliver’s _ room, in  _ Oliver’s  _ frat house where she'd slept over and  _ spent the night _ .

They never spend the night.

She can't see his face from her position but from the way his chest rises and dips with even breaths, she assumes he's still asleep. Her arm and leg is thrown over his body and both his arms are wrapped around her.

And then she starts panicking.

Last night was… different. Though she only barely remembers the details, she knows he’d seen her dancing with a guy and she can’t describe the way he’d reacted as anything other than jealousy and over protectiveness. But they’re not supposed to be jealous of what the other does with other people.

It's then does she remember her friend’s words from a few days ago. What if he feels more?

And then she really thinks, is she any better? Hadn't she practically gotten drunk because he’d disappeared from her? Because she missed his attention? Because she ached to not feel like he’d abandoned her even though she couldn't fathom the thought?

And the sex.  _ God, the sex.  _ It's not that they've never been rough with each other, but she can still feel Oliver’s hands on her waist from the way in which he'd gripped it, angry that another man had his hands on her. And she still blushes now because like last night, even though she should be disgusted by him acting the way he had because he wanted her for himself, she feels a thrill at the thought instead.

So, they broke a rule. Maybe they're friends with more than one benefits. That she spent the night is more about the fact that it probably wouldn't have been safe anyway for her to attempt walking back to her dorm that late at night, but it's also about the fact that subconsciously, her trust for him is far deeper than she'd previously assessed.

She realizes she isn't panicking, but rather calmly assessing the situation she's landed herself in. So, kudos to her?

Oliver stirs awake at that moment, deep sigh causing her to look up at him as he blinks the sleep from his eyes. She can tell the exact moment he realizes where they are and what has happened, and call her immature and cowardly, but Felicity doesn't want them to talk about it.

Talking about it means acknowledging the fact that he'd been jealous and then it means talking about feelings. As much as she's handling it far better than she'd initially imagined, she's still scared as hell that she'll somehow get hurt. Because fact is, she still doesn't understand her own thoughts and feelings. She needs time to sort it all out. Talking about it now takes away that time.

So Felicity speaks up before he gets the chance to, the first thing that comes to her mind slipping from her lips.

“I'm hungry,”

She's seen him in a lot of states, like, confused about a problem she's trying to explain at one of their sessions, or fascinated when he finally understands something, or decidedly amused by her as she attempts to make him laugh, or intently concentrated as he enters her, or just completely blissed out as he reaches his climax. She's seen a lot of him, but she's never seen this just woke up, half aware of what's going on and adorably confused look that he's sporting currently. It relaxes her far more than it should.

Felicity smiles at him, using the arm that's not trapped between their bodies to brush some hair out of his face, “Aren't you a grumpy waker?”

Oliver takes a moment to really look at her, and she fidgets under his gaze for a bit, unaware of what he finds in her eyes. But he's him, and they've come to know each other almost too well these past 2 months, so it doesn't surprise her when he doesn't bring up last night either, instead just insisting, “I'm not a grumpy waker,” in a raspy, unfairly sexy voice.

 

***

_ December 1 | 1:32 pm _

 

Felicity groans out loud as a knock sounds persistently on her dorm door. Grabbing a hold of her quilt and pulling it around her shoulders, she rolls out of the bed, giving herself a minute to stave of the urge to throw up before shuffling to the door and pulling it open.

“You look like hell,” is how Oliver greets her, though his face is soft and sympathetic as he looks down at her.

Groaning frustratedly once more, she turns on her heels and begins to dispose of a few used pieces of balled up tissue paper sprawled across her room, figuring that since she has company she should at least make a little effort to clean up. She makes out the sound of the door shutting behind her as Oliver steps inside.

“Gee, thanks, I feel like hell too,” she croaks out, swiping at her runny nose as she bends down to reach for a few pieces. Oliver’s hands on her shoulders halt her movements, pulling her up and pushing her gently towards the bed. “Hey, I'm not done,” she calls out in protest, covering her mouth as a cough racks her body a second later.

“Yeah, no, I'll take care of it,”

“But-”

“Lay down and get some rest, Felicity,” he sighs, already exasperated with her. Rolling her eyes at him, Felicity does as he asks, cocooning the quilt around her once more as he watches her like she'll do 50 chores if he turns his back on her or something.

Satisfied that she'll stay put, he begins to pick up the balls of tissue that she'd missed, along with a few other misplaced pieces of clothing, books and computer parts. “To be fair, you  _ did _ interrupt my nap.”

He snorts, not even glancing at her this time as he continues on with his self assigned tasks, “Yeah right. You replied to my text like 5 minutes ago, babe,”

She blames it on her flu muddled brain that the term of endearment doesn't freak her out like it should and she's out like a light before Oliver realizes his mistake.

Felicity wakes up an hour later feeling a tad bit better, but overall she wouldn't call it an improvement. At first she's convinced that Oliver left, only because the only sound she can make out is the pitter patter of the rain against the only window in her room. But then like she's been doing lately, she senses his presence and turns towards her work desk to see him bent over a book as he studies.

He doesn't seem to be aware that she's up, so she doesn't make an attempt to alert him, instead content to just take him in. That he's studying for his finals that are a whole week away warms her heart, and she feels prouder of him than she's ever been for any of her other students. She knows that she's being really biased but she really can’t find it in herself to care. The Oliver she met studied the  _ night before _ . So sue her, okay?

Even though they'd made this arrangement 2 months ago, Felicity had always made sure that his work never suffered. She  _ is  _ he tutor, and she couldn't stand to see the people that she helps fail. But more than that, she could never stand to see  _ him _ fail. He means a lot more to her than he should, she knows that now, but there's a reason why she can't say that to him. She just can't recall that right this second.

Since that night they'd slept together, like actually  _ slept _ , they've been tip toeing around certain subjects. They still haven't actually spoken about it, and she knows how pathetic it is that they haven't just come out with it yet, even though she still thinks about him being jealous and her wanting him around her constantly at that party. And she can tell that he's still thinking of it too.

Though they haven't talked about what they're supposed to, the time they spend together feels different somehow. She thinks of him constantly and relies on him heavily, as evident by the fact that he'd been the first and only person she'd texted to let him know she's sick. She still doesn't really know what to make of it.

Oliver’s phone rings, and she closes her eyes to pretend to be asleep as he begins turning around to glance at her. When his voice sounds again, she wouldn't call what she does next eavesdropping, but rather being a third party to a conversation she's not privy to.

“Hey mom,” he murmurs, still mindful of the fact that she's sleeping, or well, supposed to be. “Yeah I'm okay. I'm studying,” he chuckles after a pause, and since her eyes are still closed, she imagines him shaking his head as he does this. “Yes, _I_ , Oliver Queen, am studying.”

She almost laughs out loud that even his mother can't quite believe the change in him, but she just about manages to keep her mouth shut. They talk a bit more about things that she doesn't know enough about to understand the context of, so she's almost tuned him out when she hears him say her name.

“Yeah, Felicity’s fine. She's got the flu though,” he pauses, just long enough for the breath to leave her lungs, “Of course I'm taking care of her, or rather, about to once she wakes up. I got her some soup.”

She kind of blacks out at that, flabbergasted at just about everything that just left his mouth.

So, Oliver’s mother  _ knows _ about her, enough to ask if he's taking care of her, which means Oliver told her about her and she just can't even imagine how that conversation went down. It could just be that he told her she's his tutor, but that's a rather logical thought and she's too far into her head to pay attention to that.

Another thing is that he wants to take care of her. Call her sad and pathetic, but she's never had someone willingly want to do that for her. She hadn't texted him today with the intention for him to come over - especially knowing he has baseball practice at this time - but rather just wanting him to know that she's not, you know, dead. But she's aware that subconsciously, she'd wanted him to do this for her. To take care of her.  _ Fuck _ .

She's not supposed to want this from anybody, but here she is. She's supposed to be emotionally unavailable for God's sake. That's the reason she started this in the first place isn't it? Does it even make sense anymore?

And then Felicity is forcibly pulled back into reality.

“Yeah, Mom, I promise, as soon as finals are done I'm coming down to spend the whole holiday with you guys.”

She finds that she almost laughs out loud again, though, this one would've been for an entirely different reason. They have 3 more weeks together - and she only uses that term loosely - and then Oliver will go back to Star City and her to Las Vegas for near to a month then she's pretty sure that'll be the end of them. They'll come back mid January, where she'll no longer be his tutor and  _ maybe _ he'll keep her as a friend while he finds an actual girlfriend, but then that's it.

A predictable, anti climatic ending - just like she'd wanted - if only she hadn't gone and felt more.

Oliver ends the phone call a little while after and if she hadn't gone and coughed up a lung, she would've been content to pretend to be asleep for the rest of her life.

She finally opens her eyes just as he stands to heat up the soup he'd mentioned earlier that he must've placed in her mini microwave.

He approaches her bed then sits tentatively on the edge before reaching a hand up to her forehead to check her temperature. “Man, you're hot.”

“Thanks,” she jokes out, feeling like she has to compensate somehow after what she just heard even though he doesn't even know she did. Can someone shut her up?

But Oliver just shakes his head at her, brushing his hand through her hair as he chuckles, “You're welcome. I brought some soup while you were out. Hope you're okay with chicken.”

She nods her head, sitting up a bit as she insists, “You didn't have to,”

He simply looks at her like she'd never said anything more bogus, “Felicity, of course I had to,” his eyes meet hers then, putting everything he's feeling on display for her. She makes her decision when she sees the same thing shining in them since the first day they met.

She'll enjoy her remaining time with this amazing guy, make every minute count and all that. There’s no point in ending it now anyway. Not everything has to be angst filled and painful and drawn out. What happened the other night will never be brought up, at least not by her, and then when they come to an end, she'll move on. Just like he surely will.

For now though, she'll kiss this boy senseless every chance she gets… or, well, she'll get to it when she stops coughing up her lungs.

 

***

_ December 18 | 5:43 pm _

 

“Tell me why we’re in the library on our last day on campus again?”

Oliver trugs slowly behind her as she heads up the stairs to the spot she keeps her sessions. They're completely alone save for a couple people returning borrowed books, so when she stops mid way and spins around to face him, she grabs his face and repeats her words,  _ again _ , “Because I left one of my favorite books up there last Friday while I was studying. Now, do I have to repeat myself again or are you good?”

He smiles at her, bringing their lips together in a soft kiss before he chuckles, “No, I just like seeing that crinkle above your brows when you're angry.”

Not doing much to hide the smile about to broaden on her lips, she releases his face and continues walking up the stairs. “So you like making me mad, is what you're saying…”

“I like making you react a lot of ways,” his response comes as he continues walking as well.

Felicity feels her cheeks heat up, and she shakes her head playfully in disbelief that this is what she has to put up with. She'd stayed true on her word to enjoy time with him while it lasted, finding that most of the hours of her days for the last 3 weeks have been spent in his company.

They don't come up with excuses as to why they do, only that it feels right and it's where they should be. Though studying together had been the main activity, it still felt different and yet still completely unchanged at the same time.

They'd fucked less, but made love more, and it's a bit painful that she can make the distinction. Now it's their last day together before winter break, and the only thing she can describe the feeling as is bittersweet.

She's not sure if she's ready to say goodbye yet, but she knows she'll feel like absolute shit if she pulls anything on him now. He deserves happiness and that might not be with her.

“It's fitting, really,” she hears herself saying, “how we started here and now we're about to end here,”

Not having meant to say that, she cringes, squeezing her eyes shut as she reaches the landing and feeling Oliver grab onto her arm which effectively spins her around to face him, “What are you talking about-”

She pops open her eyes when his words die on his tongue, spinning around  _ again _ and following his gaze to where it's directed behind her.

Cooper Seldon stands from where he'd been seated in the chair she frequents when tutoring, and Felicity feels her stomach churn with each step he takes towards her.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“You know him?” Oliver’s voice utters behind her, but she's too preoccupied with the anger and panic building within her to even answer him. Deep down though, she feels undeniable embarrassment that he's about to bare witness to this part of her.

Cooper stops a few feet before them, holding out the book she'd come for from behind him towards her, “I think maybe you’re looking for this.”

She grabs the book from his grasp, holding it against her chest as if it were some shield keeping him away from her heart. “Answer my question Cooper.”

His eyes flicker behind her towards Oliver, and if she'd recognized him for what he is, or really ever even known him in the first place, she'd be able to read the expression that crosses his face but, as it turns out, she doesn't. Eventually his eyes settle on her once more, “I came here to say I'm sorry, Felicity.”

Felicity laughs openly between the space between herself and his face, honestly amused that he thought she'd buy this. “Are you sorry you did it or are you sorry you got caught?”

At her question, he hesitates, and that more than anything else gives her her answer. “Yeah, I thought so.”

She turns around angrily, murmuring a, “Let's get out of here,” to Oliver as she does.

They make it 2 steps when Cooper speaks again, “You're such a hypocrite. Here you are with your new boy toy not even a full semester after what happened. Which means you never did really love me either!”

Felicity pauses, embarrassment and anger mixing together as she faces her ex boyfriend once more. “And that's where you're wrong. He's nothing but a fuck buddy to me because guess what? You fucked me up so bad that I can't even have a normal relationship, you asshole!”

Silence permeates the air for what feels like hours, but is really just seconds, after her explosion. Her body feels exhausted and yet buzzing with something she can't explain at the same time. She just wants this to be over. This is her past,  _ he's  _ here past, and she has no idea why the universe decided to bring him back. She was having so much fun.

Cooper huffs out an angry breath, looking down before pushing past them. “This was a bad idea,” he announces, marching down the short aisle and then descending the stairs two at a time in his haste. And then he's gone.

Hopefully for good.

Felicity lets out a relieved sigh, entire body drooping as if weight has been lifted from her shoulders. Was that closure? Was seeing the man she once 'loved' for the asshole he truly is what she needed all along?

She doesn't really know. She'll have to give it some more thought.

She turns to Oliver, finally looking at him since Cooper had arrived. His eyes are downcast, lost in thought somewhere that's obviously not here.

Laying a hand on his forearm, Felicity addresses him, “Hey, sorry you had to see that. It's ugly, I know, but we can leave now. Maybe go have a little fun?” she emphasizes her meaning squeezing his arm, wanting,  _ needing _ , to have something good filling her mind.

When he meets her eyes, his stare is so cold it sends shivers down her spine, “Fun, huh?” he chuckles darkly, “I guess that's all I am to you.”

“What?” she questions, almost literally feeling the foundation of her world about to fall apart.

He takes a step away from her, forcing out a inauthentic laugh as he swipes a hand over his face, “What are you confused about, Felicity? Cause it all seems so crystal clear to me right now. I'm nothing about a fuck buddy to you, and now we've reached our expiration date. 

She feels physically ill as he throws her words back into her face, and they've never felt as wrong as they do as they fall from his lips. He was -  _ is _ so much more than that.

“Oliver, that's not-”

“It was fun while it lasted Felicity. I'll see you when I see you.”

And then he walks away, but unlike when Cooper left just moments ago, she doesn’t feel weightless or relieved. She thought she knew heartbreak.

She was terribly wrong.

 

***

_ December 31 | 11:58 pm _

 

_ “Hey, so, I tried calling you a couple of times but it kept going to straight to voicemail and I thought that meant, you know, maybe you're avoiding me and then I went, duh, of course you are. But, anyway, that's besides the point because I'm not angry at you because of that or anything. I completely understand.  _

_ “It's late, and you're probably out celebrating New Years. I'm spending it inside with my Mom even though she kept insisting that I go out but I didn't really want to because I know I'd just feel really lonely. And I haven't felt like that in a while, not since being with you - both when we were friends and when we were more. _

_ “I realize that I went about things so horribly wrong from the very beginning when it comes to us. But I have an explanation for that. You probably don't want to hear it, but if you haven't deleted this voicemail yet then it means you're still listening so I'll just go ahead. _

_ “Cooper’s my ex boyfriend and we broke up last year. We were together from freshman year and I... thought we were in love. As it turns out, we weren't, or at least he wasn't. Cooper stole my largest project which was worth 70% of my grade and handed it in as his own. And that's not just it. He cheated on me with his TA, who was the person that gave him the idea in the first place. Safe to say that I got him kicked out of the college. _

_ “Anyway, I don't think you need anymore details about that except for the fact that it broke my heart and... me. I felt unlovable and I felt used. I felt like I didn't really have anyone else in this world that thought I was worth fighting for. And then I met you. _

_ “You were unexpected and nothing like anyone I've ever met before. But you also scared me. You made me feel like I was wanted, which meant that you could easily not want me anymore. And then that night in the library happened and I couldn't give you up, or rather, that piece of you up, now that I'd had you. _

_ “I feels things for you, have been feeling things for you for a while. Oliver, you're not just my friend. And you're not just someone I sleep with casually either. You could never be  _ just  _ those things to me. And even if I've messed this up and you don't want anything to do with me, or if I misread this entire thing and you never felt anything to begin with - it all doesn't matter.  Just-- please don't shut me out. _

_ “I have to go now, my Mom wants me to come watch a movie with her. But, I'll see you when I see you?” _

 

***

 

_ January 20 | 2:01 pm _

 

The bell on top of the diner door rings as Felicity pulls it open, alerting some of the customers to glance at her as she enters. Spotting Dinah and Iris at their usual spot, she makes her way over to them, genuine smile poised on her lips all the while.

“Hope you guys didn't miss me too much,” she starts, her voice making them aware of her presence as they'd been too caught up in conversation to notice her entrance. Their faces light up when they see her though, and as miserable as her winter break was, it all doesn't matter right this second.

“Of course we did!” they both stand to greet her, exchanging warm, giggly hugs before they're seated once more.

“How are you guys?” Felicity queries, grabbing Dinah’s coffee cup and taking a sip. She doesn't protest.

It's Iris that answers first, “We're good. Our breaks were good. We're glad to be back. How about you? How are you feeling? How was your break? Did you do anything?” she rattles off, both her and Dinah watching her intently and gauging her every reaction.

She'd told them what happened with her and Cooper and with her and Oliver, in minor details of course, but she hadn't really been in contact with anyone as she'd been feeling sorry for herself. She'd been hoping that they wouldn't bring it up, or at least not so soon but she doesn't know why she expected any different.

Placing Dinah’s cup back before her, Felicity sighs, deep and long as her mind runs back over everything that has happened since September. It doesn't take much effort seeing as that's practically the only thing she's been doing for weeks now, “I'm okay?” she asks, not quite sure herself, but mindful enough to know that everything doesn't hurt as much as did when it just happened.

Her friends’ faces soften and they both reach over to grab a hold of her hand and squeeze it gently in comfort.

“My break was kind of just filled with me trying to suppress my feelings by taking apart computers in my childhood bedroom. Mom and I went shopping though, so I guess it wasn't all bad. And Hanukkah was actually good.”

Iris and Dinah exchange looks but it's Dinah that eventually asks, “And what about Oliver?”

Heart dropping at the mention of his name, Felicity turns her gaze out the window, not wanting them to see the emotions passing over her face, “What about him?”

“What happened after? Did you call him? Try to explain yourself?”

“I did,” she confirms, only facing them again when she's sure she's not about to burst into tears.

When it's clear she's not about to go on, Dinah prompts, “And?”

Groaning in frustration that she has to go over this, she gathers her words reluctantly and eventually speaks, “And he didn't answer my calls. Not once. I left him a voicemail explaining everything and the only reason I know he got it is because I got a text from him the day after saying ‘I'll see you when I see you.’ Things seemed pretty clear then.”

Silence surrounds them for a minute after she finishes speaking, and she thinks  _ good,  _ they finally get it. Oliver doesn't want anything to do with her. And now she's ready to work on moving on.

Then Iris’ irritated voice shatters the silence, “So that's it? You're giving up on him?”

Felicity stutters, not having expected that at all.

Iris speaks again, “Felicity, do you love him?”

She doesn't answer, tongue twisted and heart about to beat out of her chest. She knows she does, and part of her doesn't answer Iris because even if he'll never hear them, those words are for  _ him. _ The other part of her though is just scared as hell that it'll blow up in her face like everything else has.

“I don't think Oliver wants to hear anything else from me,” she settles on instead, crestfallen as she scratches at the black paint on her fingernails.

“And what if he's just as afraid as you are?”

She… hadn't thought of that. As unfathomable as it is to her, she supposes she  _ did _ break his heart. That's not easily fixed or forgiven, nor is it easy to accept something else entirely from what she'd said. He heard her say he was nothing more to her than casual sex. That type of stuff sticks with you. Maybe she needs to up her game.

“Felicity, babe, you told me that when you guys met he was persistent as hell. He saw you, and he wanted you and he didn't stop trying until you told him to. Maybe it's time you give him that same treatment.”

Felicity laughs, a genuine one as she takes in her friend's words. Could she really put herself out there - even more than she had with that voicemail - just for this one boy?

The answer comes pretty easily.

 

***

_ January 23 | 3:54 pm _

 

Felicity hates dust, she really does, but it's a testament to her stubbornness that she's stalking towards the campus’ baseball field where the team is currently practicing in what can only be described as a dust party. Hand over her eyes as she edges closer and closer to her destination, Felicity does her best to stave off the nerves running haywire within her stomach.

She's made up her mind. And she's doing this. There's no turning back now.

It may all just go horribly wrong, but there's not much else she has left to lose at this point. Her dignity, maybe, but she's pretty sure she can order some on Ebay.

When she enters the moderately large campus stadium, her anxiety spikes and she almost turns on her heels to high tail it out of there when she spots the players in the practice uniforms running plays.

Almost.

Surprisingly, no one notices her presence which is ultimately the reason why she stands her ground. Hesitantly, she makes her up into the stands, knowing she has to wait another half hour before practice ends.

She sits near the field, only 3 rows in front of her, but still a good distance from where the players are located. And then she spots Oliver.

His mop of hair is no longer there, instead now he sports a close cropped haircut, and even from this distance she can make out the starting of a 5 o’clock shadow growing on his face. He looks… really good. And it's kind of unfair because how in the hell is she supposed to concentrate on anything else when she attempts to pour her heart out to him. Felicity draws out a breath, willing her heart to slow to a normal pace.

5 minutes pass by before someone notices her.

She curses under her breath as John Diggle subtly breaks away from everyone, and luckily no one is aware of him making his way over to her.

Eventually, he reaches her, going through the gate she'd used and walking pass the 3 rows before plopping down next to her. They sit in silence for a minute, both of them watching the players do their thing on the field - or well, watching  _ Oliver _ do his thing on the field, for her anyways.

She wouldn't call him her friend, but whenever she ended up in his company via Oliver last year, he'd been kind and warm to her, never questioning her presence or making her feel unwanted. It's really the only reason why she lets him ask what he very obviously wants to ask first.

“What are you doing here, Felicity?” there isn't any judgement in his voice, but there is a bit of caution, and it makes her think that Oliver told him about them. She doesn't know what to make of that.

Swallowing down her thoughts, Felicity begins to jokingly say, “Just thought I'd catch a game,” but then thinks better of it. She's only here for one reason. And she shouldn't be afraid to let that be known. So she tries again, “I'm here for Oliver.”

She'd kept her gaze on Oliver on the field the whole time, but when she finishes, she turns to his friend and lets him search her eyes for the truth because somehow she knows that's what he's looking for.

He eyes her, face deep in thought for a full minute before a small smile settles on his lips and he nods his head and says, “Good.”

Whether that's approval of  _ her _ or what she's about to do, she's unsure, but she matches his smile and gives him a small nod in return.

He's standing to leave when an idea sprouts in her head, and she reaches a hand out to stop him before she can chicken out of it. “Could you do me a favor?”

Smiling warmly at her, he turns back to her and dips his head, “Sure. What are you thinking?”

“When you get down there, could you tell Oliver that there's a girl here whose heart he's stolen and she wants it back?”

It's the cheesiest thing that's ever left her mouth, but it's something she couldn't forget even if she tried to. Diggle chuckles at her words, looking onto the field at Oliver before looking back at her, “You guys are meant for each other.”

He leaves then, pace steady as he walks over to his friends on the field. They're not currently in the middle of a game, so when he approaches Oliver who's in a conversation with a guy she can't recognize, the only sound Felicity can make out is her heart beating in her ears. Yes, that's right. Her heart has traveled to her ears.

Diggle plants his arm around Oliver’s shoulder, steering him away from the guy, their backs to her as he tells him what she assumes she told him to tell him.

When he spins Oliver around and points at her, Felicity wonders how attractive it would be for him to see her throw up from nervousness. He did still think she was cute when he saw her looking like hell that one time she was sick so here's to hoping that if it happens, he'll think the same.

She wishes she could make out his face from here, but she can't. So when he turns to Diggle and says something to him before he starts walking to her, she can't be sure if it's with anger or relief or happiness or just exasperation.

Oh god, what if she just  _ way  _ overstepped?

It doesn't matter though, because she's here and she told herself she wouldn't turn back so she won't.

She stands from her seat, tucking a lock of her black hair behind her ear as she descends the rows, having decided to meet him halfway. They stop before each other near the edge of the field. She wishes she could make out what's running through his mind but his face is blank and unreadable.  _ Fuck. _

“What's going on here, Felicity?”

It's not until she's finally heard his does she realize how much she's missed it and she savors the sound for a second before she answers him, drawing from a different conversation as she does.

“Nothing, I was just in the neighborhood.”

The smallest hint of a smile pulls at his lips, but he wipes it clean before crossing his arms over his chest. It's not until he says what he says next does she feel the barest light of hope for them.

“So, wait, you're not the girl who's heart I stole? Wrong girl then, my bad,” he turns to move away, just like she had all those months ago, and Felicity could cry because  _ he really does remember. _

Taking a step forward, Felicity places a hand on his arm, stopping him before he even makes a step. “Okay. You've got me. I  _ am _ the girl who's heart you've stolen. But I don't want it back. It's yours.”

And then his face just opens up.

He shows her everything. The hurt, the pain, the betrayal, the hope, and… the love.

“It can't be mine. You've already had your heart broken, Felicity. You don't deserve that again. Especially not by me.”

His words ring in her ears. He'd heard her voice mail but he hadn't shut her out because he doesn't want her, but because he thinks it's what was best.  _ God,  _ she loves him.

Felicity grabs a hold of both his hands, only a minuscule of space separating their bodies, “My heart broke for Cooper because he hurt me.  _ But _ , my heart broke for you because I hurt  _ you _ and I never, ever, meant to do that. I'm not scared of you hurting me, Oliver.”

His eyes are tender and kind, but she can still see the unsurety within them. She tries her best to fix that, “Do you remember our rules?”

He contemplates her words before shaking his head, “Hardly,”

She chuckles, squeezing his hands before going on, “Well, there were my rules first and foremost. We weren't supposed to get jealous... You broke that one at the party,” he ducks his head, abashed and slightly embarrassed. She attempts to reassure him, “It's okay. I liked it… a lot. I liked the way it made me feel.... like I was yours, only. Another rule was that we weren't supposed to expect things we would from a partner. I broke that one. I wanted you around me constantly, and was disappointed when you weren't. I wanted you to take care of me when I was sick. I shouldn't have, but I did.”

If anything, her words only cause his confusion to grow. “What are you saying, Felicity?”

She blows out a breath, annoyed at herself that she's not explaining this any better.

“I’m saying that I know that you never wanted us to just casually have sex from the beginning. I'm saying that deep down I never wanted that either. I'm saying that I broke your key and important rule. I fell in love with you in 3 and a half short months, but I convinced myself that you never really wanted more than what we'd had.

“Oliver, the only way you could break my heart is if you tell me right now that I'm too late and that I can't fix this.”

When she's done, she's breathing heavily, emotionally drained and spent. But, she did what she said she would. She said what she'd wanted to. And now the ball is in his court.

She should feel more nervous than she does right now, but she doesn't. If he does indeed break her heart, sure, it'll hurt, but at least she'll know that she  _ tried _ . Months ago, she wouldn't have done that. She's proud of herself.

For his own part, Oliver seems to be having his own internal battle, face unreadable and hold on her hands tight. She doesn't really know what to do other than wait.

After a while, his face smooths out in a resigned smile, giving her hands one more squeeze before he turns away and begins walking away back to the field, their hands not breaking contact until the very last moment.

Her heart drops, feeling battered and bruised and like it's just been through a wrestling match. She sighs, feeling tears pushing at her eyelids but she wills them not to fall.

“Are you coming?”

Looking up so fast, she's sure she's got whiplash, Felicity meets Oliver’s eyes, “What?”

He laughs softly, and stretches out a hand in her direction, “I want to introduce my teammates to my girlfriend.”

Felicity practically sprints into his arms at his words.

She kisses him like she's never kissed him before, arms wrapped around his neck and her feet barely touching the ground as he lifts her. Vaguely, she makes out cheers and catcalls from his teammates behind him but she's too busy being lost in Oliver's lips to be embarrassed. He breaks the kiss before he starts kissing all over his face, soliciting delighted giggles from her throat.

She's never felt as happy as she does in this moment.

When he sets her down on her feet, he gives her one last soft kiss before he whispers down at her, “For the record, I fell in love along the way too. But I'm also pretty sure I fell in love with you the moment you corrected Mrs. Francis about the interpretation of that novel during our first class.”

Smoothing a hand over his cheek, Felicity offers softly, “You really do love me...”

 

 

END

**Author's Note:**

> this is the mushiest thing i've ever written lmao
> 
> leave a comment if you'd like and find me on my social medias at tumblr: [@emilyszuko](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/emilyszuko) and twitter: [@emilyszuko](https://twitter.com/emilyszuko) to connect with me


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